Many things have changed, at least since Rainy day. Love... is no longer part of my life. The woman I loved, has for the second time, chosen to give up on the relationship between us.
I do personally feel that the time wasn't right. I pray that I can return, as a better man. And I didn't think her participation was helping. All in all, I do value her. But I've learnt one thing. To depend on myself and not others. Encouragement is but, a passing advertisement board that says "You can do it". The journey still has to be made by me.
I'm also somewhat miffed that she was the one who told me, "It takes 90 days to make a habit" and at the same time she gave up on me in a month's time.
I do love her. But now's not the time for that. 90 days, this is day 1. Even though it's not really day 1, but I believe that today plays a part in tomorrow. So even tomorrow is day 1, my efforts today will make tomorrow a better success.
Dear God, I pray that you help me. Help me forge the good habits and break the bad ones. I do really want to love this woman, help me to change to be a better person. I also pray that when the time comes for her to choose, I shall be the better choice and wanted choice.
Give me the strength to traverse this 90 days of habit making and breaking. And I pray that 90 days do make a habit. Otherwise it'll be in vain, or rather my expectations would have been shattered.
I pray and I pray again, help me Father. Amen.
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